tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
