Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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