He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
not ubering you a puppy
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
