I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
