My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
