The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
