Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
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