So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
