Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
