you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
