Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
