Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
