That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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