Little spoons don't ask big questions
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
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