I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
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It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
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she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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