did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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