Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
