wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
