Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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