Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
