she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
