Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
