I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
