I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
