If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
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