I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
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If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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