if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
