do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
