umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
