He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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