Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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