How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
