yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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