I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
