you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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