After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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