Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
