You really coming over, don't trick.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
