how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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