Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
