I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
