Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
