Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
im holly from the hills drunk
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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