I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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