If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
