So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
