Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
