my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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