took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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