christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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