no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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