i was rollin on her like bob the builder
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
