By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
