Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
