I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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