what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
