i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
