yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
