bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
