the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
