like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
