I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
my being single is dangerous.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
