I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
