I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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