Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
