I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
