I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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