Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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