Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Girls should come with a carfax report
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
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