Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
